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Ansley Golf Club
The Sacrosanct Men`s Grill Porch
Various ATAG Quotes and Golf Truisms
ATAG Quote 9-25-18: “What, I lost? Again? Why do you think that is? “-Tom Player after realizing he was on the losing team three times in a row.
ATAG Quote 9-18-18: ” I’m still quitting this game!” Don Nichols shouts out after sinking 40 ft pitch shot to save par on #18 to conclude an awful round.
Caddy Speak: Golfer asks caddy why he has been slicing the ball on almost every shot. Caddy replies it is because “there’s a piece of crap on the end of your club.” Golfer then picks up club and cleans the club face. Caddy says, “no, sir, it’s at the other end.”
Golf Truism: The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.
Golf Truism: The less skilled a player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
This week’s golf truism (contributed by ATAGer John Wymer):
“If you are afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.”
5-1-18: “I’m really struggling with my game.”–Mike Schmal to the Commissioner on the first tee before winning both low net and low gross
8-1-17: “You know, there is a gate right there that will take us to the parking lot.” Kevin McGlynn-while walking off # 9 tee box believing his team was surely going to finish DAL
7-27-17: “This is the same shirt that I wore when I won my first ever Low Net in ATAG. I just had a good feeling when I put it on today.” Bill Meagher during his post round Hole-In-One celebration.
9-20-16: ” Let’s check the chains. Yes! First Down! I have out driven Tom Thornhill for the first time in my life!”-Doug Healy after measuring the close tee shots on # 15
9-13-16: ” I have to tell you. After sitting here with a net 3 under score, I thought it possible that someone could possibly better it, but never for an instant did I think that person would be you.” Doug Healy to David Danzig
9-13-16: “My gosh, that’s the Red Sea parting! ” Scotty Greene when told of Danzig’s 38-net 26 score.
6-28-16: “Is Obama still the President”?–Jeff Kohn, frustrated at the slow play of the teams in front of his.
6-28-16: “We were 4 under after the first two holes, but then………….” Jim Williamson after his team ended up at 3 over par to finish Dead Ass Last.
6-28-16: “We were sucking so bad before we even got to the last hole.” Scotty Greene, after his team dropped 6 shots on the last hole to finish Dead Ass Last.
6-28-16: ” I have the right to remain silent.”–Scotty Greene, when asked how he managed to four putt the last hole after landing his tee shot in the center of the green.
5-17-16: ” Our wives are like Par 5’s–very forgiving”: Danny Morris commenting on why most of the ATAGers are still married to their first wives.
5-10-16: “We’ll be back next week.” Jeff Kohn after his team finished DAL
5-10-16: ” I’ll write about the weather.” Kevin McGlynn when asked to do this week’s match recap
3-29-16 “Ladies and gentlemen, I suck in the game of golf.” Lee Pearson as he arrived on the porch
10-20-15 ” I think that each week someone should buy the Commissioner a beer.” — Assistant Pro Tyler Hays when told of the Commissioner’s compensation dilemma.
10-6-15 “Gentlemen, I would like to introduce the rest of my team: Larry, Moe, and Curly.” Bill Meagher
The following 9-24-15 quotes are taken from e-mails sent by some of the ATAGers after the Commissioner announced that he was cancelling the rest of the season:
9-24-15 “Cancel the remaining season????? Wait…What??? Even the Commissioner left too early to enjoy a round of bourbon by the hangers on including an unreported cameo by Frank Corrigan. If bad golf was a good reason to cancel the season, this group would have been done years ago”–Doug Healy
9-24-15 ” I think Doug might be onto something here. What would we do on Tuesday night anyway? And no more free wings and bs? I’m sure we’d all pledge to play better going forward. I do. “–Tom Kisgen
9-24-15 “I agree with Doug. Cannot afford to have my social life reduced and my wife does not want me around on Tuesday.”—Tom Houle.
9-24-15 “Nay, Nay. Exile the Commissioner! –Jeff Kohn
9-24-15 ” Fellow ATAGers, it seems that only a few of us realize that there are no arbitrary acts committed our esteemed and nearly all knowing Commish. Such acts are committed with his benevolent compassion only for our own good. Dragging you through more golf misery is not in your best interest. I suggest you use the winter months to rededicate our attitudes and your golf games to higher levels that will please the Commish.” –Ron Majors
9-24-15 I disagree. The Braves are going to finish their season…and they suck. Being shitty is no basis for ending the season before it’s over, and it ain’t over until its over. Yogi would have wanted us to Play On.”—John Wymer
8-11-15: “It’s just not my day.” Mike Schmal
8-11-15: “It’s just not my day.” Tom Houle
8-11-15 “Get your clubs off my cart.” William Thornton to Tom Houle after Houle’s barrage of shanks.
8-4-15 ” When I saw the pairings I thought for sure we would win today. Of course, I thought the same thing for all of the other times.” Danny Morris, whose teams remain winless this year.
8-4-15 “I’ll just sit here at the kid’s table.” Brooks Cowles after discovering there was no room at any of the tables occupied by the players.
7-21-15: Hey, I’m just doing my job. The Board is the one that instituted the EWDS.” Phil Taylor after corralling the players off the course.
6-30-15 “They’re probably changing their tampons”–Ron Majors, commenting on why David Danzig and PJ Wade had not come up to the porch.
6-23-15 “Why Are You Looking At Me?”- William Thornton-after Doug Healy announced he had composed a Rap song but couldn’t find a rapper.
5-12-15 “We need a Draw Partner.”-Bill Buist, upon turning in his foursome’s score card.
4-21-15 “Somebody get inside me”–Ron Majors, purportedly referring to his tee shot on # 18 that landed within 10 feet of the pin. (at least that’s what his playing partners hoped he meant)
4-21-15 I’m clued in to the Dustin Johnson rehab program”–Tom Houle after narrowly missing his third Pink Lady in a row.
4-21-15 “I’ve been working with him” -Brooks Cowles, commenting on the shockingly poor showing by Pink Lady winner Tim Martin
4-14-15 ” My best drive today was getting here”. Doug Healy
4-7-15 ” Doesn’t Jeff Kohn remind you of Gandhi? I think we should call him “Gandhi-Kohn”.
3-31-15 “After reading about last week, I thought I was watching a Jerry Lewis Telethon.”–Bill Meagher
3-31-15 “Sellner gets a stroke here, Lee.”–Kevin McGlynn to Lee Pearson before the chip off with Sellner.
3-24-15 “What do you say we go back to the house and get a head start on the drinking?” –Mike Gaddis on # 3 tee after his team was 3 over after two holes.
3-24-15 “It’s just a bad day”–Lee Pearson after picking up on #17 with a carded triple bogey.
3-24-15 Will you sponsor me?”–A dejected PJ Wade asks the Commish about getting into the BGA after making his third triple bogey of the day.
3-24-15 “There are many rooms in the BGA House, and know that one has been prepared for you”-The Commish
3-24-15 “What is the slope?”-David Danzig when asked his handicap
3-17-15 “Practicing putting is like to going to Vegas to practice throwing the dice” Jeff Kohn
3-17-2015 “By gosh, Tom Player is dressed like a Little League umpire. Scotty Greene
8-12-14 ” I haven’t taken a shower since Sunday.” -Doug Healy while admiring his new ATAG tattoo.
8-12-14 “We could have been somebody if I had a team.”- Low Net winner MIke Gaddis
7-8-14 “I’ll have an Old Abbey Chocolate Stout.” -Brooks Cowles, after winning his second beer in a row.
5-20-14 “You know, I kind of liked ATAG better when it didn’t have all these rules and structure” –Kevin McGlynn, a last minute cancellation last week, in response to the proposed monetary fine for late cancellations
5-14-14 “Jim did great as Substitute Commish last night! Chip Off! Last minute cancellations! On going bitching by Ron, and then having to buy beer for the winning team.–Russ Jobson
4-8-14 “God, that was miserable”–Frank Corrigan after firing a 58 for a net 9 over par.
3-18-14 “What happens on the gondola, stays on the gondola”–David Danzig (referring to last week’s photo with Lee Pearson)
5-21-13 “When you triple bogey two of the first three holes, it kind of sucks the life out of you.” Pink Lady winner Doug Healy
Golf Truism: The stages of golf are: Sudden Collapse, Radical Change, Complete Frustration, Slow Improvement, Brief Mastery, and Sudden Collapse.
5-14-13 “Just remember, no matter how bad you are, there is always somebody who sucks more!” Don Nichols after learning his team did not finish in last place after all.
4-2-13 “I’m in a dark place right now”. David Danzig after winning his second Pink Lady in as many tries.
4-30-13 “The only thing well I have done today is rake the bunkers”-Jeff Kohn after posting a 50
3-19-13 “I can’t believe I lost two weeks in a row! I guess I am the weakest link!” Jim Williamson
3-19-13 “Hey, I won two weeks in a row! Kevin McGlynn
3-19-13 Useless Word Of The Week: sprezzatura: appearing to do something effortlessly”. As in, “with his reknown sculptures and with his back to back low net wins, Tom Player is a living illustration of the art of sprezzatura.”
3-12-13 ” It was too f______cold to handle all of the high math required.”
-ATAGer Bill Buist -after learning he failed to add Danzig’s ultimate Pink Lady score correctly, causing an incorrect announcement of the high net winner.
3-12-13: Useless Word Of The Week: pygmalionism : “a state or condition of being in love with an inanimate object such as a statue.” As in, “ATAGer and noted sculptor Tom Player just might well be a pygmalionist.”
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