DOUBLES AND TRIPLES GALORE! PROBATION CONTINUES!
June 10, 2013-By Don Nichols
It was a hot, steamy, and high humidity afternoon, and a full field of 20 players (the first full field in 8 weeks) apparently couldn’t handle it because it was another day of lousy golf. After last week’s improved back nine score, the Commissioner indicated that he would remove the probation based on an improvement from this week’s front nine score against the last front nine match.
However, this week’s front nine competition exactly matched the wretched results of the last front nine match—an average gross score of 47, an average net score of 2 over par, no birdies, and only four players out of the field of 20 getting under par. How bad was it? When you count them up, there were 41 doubles and 18 triples recorded on the scorecards, suggesting that the word “Tour” should be removed from the ATAG logo and substituted with the word “Outing” to indicate that the matches are, in fact, not matches but merely weekly gatherings of a bunch of bad golfers who can not manage to shoot anywhere near their handicaps. Consequently, the accreditation of ATAG remains in danger and the probation continues until further notice.
In a tight race between woebegone pairings, the winner with a score of 5 under (the worst winning score for a front nine match) was the team of Mike Gaddis, Tom Kisgen, Tom Player, and Jeff Colbath. Ponying up was the “sucked more” team of Jim Williamson, Doug Gooding, Jeff Kohn , and second time visitor Ed McCormick who teed off last and rolled in last with a score of 3 under to the jubilant cries of two other teams who were at 4 under, causing a relieved William Thornton to cry out “keep hope alive!”, obviously parroting Jessie Jackson in his 1988 speech to the Democratic Convention.
The following players earned individual recognition:
Low Gross: Lee Pearson 39 The ten handicapper matches his last front nine score
Low Net: Tom Kisgen -3 A first time win for the 24 handicapper who finally learned that the trick is to get your handicap much higher than your actual ability.
Pink Lady: +7 Tom Player, Kevin McGlynn, and Ed McCormick The trio combined their talents to post 9 doubles and 9 triples to end up at the bottom of the leader board.
Birdie Club: No birdies–the train is derailed once again. Records of the wrong kind are being set.
Shot of the Day: How could there be?
Commissioner’s Corner (Observations of the Commissioner)
-Too hot and humid for the porch so the players gathered in the air conditioned smoke free grill. This setting, while comfortable, results in separate table discussions and does not offer the opportunity for shared stories and joke telling. Several players left shortly after the match results were announced.
-Henry Sawyer, looking professorial with a goatee, made a cameo appearance after returning from a sojourn in Paris.
-On the practice range, prior to the match, Tom Player nearly took out the Commissioner with an errant line drive curve ball around the protective fence in the chipping area just off the green. Player attempted to warn the Commish but instead of yelling “fore”, he could only manage to stutter a “Oh, DDDDDon!” as the missile made its way to the target. Fortunately, the Commish’s keen mind was able to decipher the garbled warning and ducked just in time as the projectile fell with a harmless yet menacing thud to the ground.
-On a side note, ATAGer Anthony Morgan and his partner (his Dad) won their flight in last weekend’s Member-Guest tournament, the second year in a row the duo has taken home the cash.
-The Commissioner, perplexed about his own poor play, announced that he would sit out next week’s match and instead would return for another session at BGA. When some of the players objected, citing the Commish’s less than stellar attendance record so far this season, the Commissioner made it clear that the job was open for the taking, which quickly shut down any further conversation about the matter.
That’s it for this week’s match. Scroll down for the individual scores and check out the photos in the Gallery.
Final Results: 6-11-2013 Front Nine Gross / Net
Pearson 39 / 34
Majors 42 / 38
Wade 42 / 35
Williamson 44 / 37
Kisgen 45 / 33
Colbath 45 / 35
Thornton 45 /38
Kohn 46 / 39
Gaddis 46/ 39
Morris 47 / 39
Nichols 47 / 38
Martin 48 / 39
Morgan 48 / 38
Arnold 48 / 38
Gooding 49 / 41
Sellner 50 / 37
Wymer 50 / 39
McGlynn 52 / 43
McCormick 56 / 43